How can I gauge if a provider is neurodiversity-affirming?

Now that neurodiversity is a buzzword, well-meaning providers are saying they are neurodivergent-affirming when they have no idea what that actually entails. (The term neurodiversity is a huge umbrella. I'm focusing here on Autism and PDA because those are the divergences I most actively support, along with co-occurring ADHD).

I call this “neurodiversity-washing.”

It’s similar to a company putting the recycle symbol on plastic that isn't recyclable. That kind of thing is called green-washing and it happens all the time.

The providers I'm referring to mean well. But the grassroots understanding of what Autistics and PDAers need to be well is far ahead of the training most providers receive, and decades ahead of most textbooks used to train clinicians. PDA, of course, is so emergent that there is no broad clinical consensus about it yet.

Just because a provider says they have training in Autism or PDA does not mean they actually know best practices for supporting Autistic and PDA people in thriving with the brains and bodies we have.

The following are real-life examples from my life and my clients' lives of providers who say they are neurodivergent-affirming and/or "PDA informed" but are actually neurodiversity-washing.

• Provider didn't recognize obviously PDA coping strategies and charged thousands of dollars for more gaslighting and referrals
  

• Provider said things like, "Yes, this is PDA, but there's nothing you can do to help."
  

• Provider promised YET MORE STICKER CHARTS to help with demand avoidance (Oh world, I am so weary of you and all your blasted sticker charts!)

  
  

• Provider reassures parents that they use the child's special interests on the stickers they use for rewards

• Provider is a trained Autism coach whose only training came from non-autistic sources

  
  

• Provider claims they are affirming because they only use positive reinforcement to encourage kids to make eye contact

  
  

• Provider uses CBT with Autistic clients to help them decrease their sensory overstimulation

Red-flags to watch out for:

• Provider uses “ASD” as euphemism for Autism (often indicates they’re not in touch with neurodiversity movement)

  
  

• Provider uses behaviorist language, like talking about antecedent-behavior-consequence analysis

  
  

• Provider insists on setting behavioral goals instead of goals around relationship building, rapport, self-advocacy and sense of safety

• Provider insists a burned-out minor accompany their parent to an appointment

  
  

• Providers ask you to set a timeline for burnout recovery

  
  

• Providers teach client mindfulness skills to tolerate distress without making changes to the environment or social expectations

  
  

• Provider insists on “tackling X problem first” like sleeping, toileting, etc - not understanding it’s all part of a big picture of nervous system capacity

  
  

• Provider uses Social Thinking as a curriculum, or gaslights children by saying "This is a small problem," for things that are deeply upsetting to the child

  
  

• Provider uses reward systems/sticker charts

  
  

• Provider focuses on looking at the client's thought-patterns as the source of their distress without looking at nervous system safety context

How can I gauge if a provider is neurodiversity-affirming? Here are some specifics to watch for:

A truly neurodivergent-affirming provider is:

• A provider whose practice is deeply and primarily informed by the lived experience and testimonies of people with the neurotype/disabilities in question

  
  

• A provider who is curious about how race, gender, class and other identities intersect with their clients' disabilities

  
  

• A provider who is focused on decreasing their client's distress, but sees being Autistic, ADHD, and/or PDA as vulnerable but valid ways of being human, not something to "treat" "cure" "fix" or "prevent"

  
  

• A provider who is versed in nervous system threat responses, the idea of cumulative stressors, and the importance of the body being able to release stress in healthy ways

  
  

• A provider who never uses special interests as rewards, but rather as a key to safety, connection, and learning for Autistic people

  
  

• A provider who understands that Autistic sensory distress is not something you can CBT your way out of, and that instead we need accommodations, stimming, and self-compassion

  
  

• A provider who understands that for many PDAers and Autistics, the relationship with the provider is itself the primary therapeutic tool

  
  

• A provider who follows the lead of their client and respects their client's "no," including when that client is a child

  
  

• A provider who prioritizes their client feeling safe and understanding their own body over their client achieving behavioral outcomes

  
  

• A provider who understands what "dynamic disability" means, and who knows there is no set timeline for burnout recovery

  
  

• A provider who knows what ableism is and actively challenges it

  
  

• A provider who is understanding of last-minute cancellations

Green flags to look for:

• Provider's website uses identity-first language ("I serve Autistic clients"). This is a big clue they are in touch with the neurodiversity movement. However, provider should be happy to change to person-first language when relating to specific clients if that is preferred

  
  

• Provider talks about nervous system safety and sensory safety

  
  

• Provider can name specific friends/family, books, professionals, content creators, courses, and NGOs that they learn from regularly who share the neurotype of the client

  
  

• Provider knows what burnout is, or is willing to learn fast

  
  

• Provider uses the terms like disability, disabled, and accommodations without flinching

  
  

• Provider's sessions are child-led and/or client-led (note that "play-based" does not necessarily mean child-led!)

  
  

• Provider can describe what being trauma-informed means (Describing it is important because "trauma-informed" is another buzzword). Examples of a trauma-informed practice include never pushing through if trauma is activated, going slow in general, learning the client's triggers but not insisting they repeat their whole trauma history, and respecting the client's "no" as sacred.)

  
  

Bottom line - if your spidey sense says a provider isn't a good fit, is gaslighting you, denying your experience is real, or just doesn't know what the heck they're talking about when it comes to you or your kid, keep looking.

Just because someone has a degree, or a job, or training does not mean they actually have the intuitive holistic understanding of what PDAers need.

If you want transformative support and community who gets it, you're invited to click here and explore my PDA Safe Circle - which includes a free trial week!

And if you're a coach or clinician interested in a rich and rigorous training program in The PDA Safe Circle Approach, click here to get on my waitlist so you can be alerted when training is available!