A short journal interlude
Yesterday was Yotam’s and my third wedding anniversary. It has been about a week since I’ve felt continual relief from the depression. Knowing I will have time off again with Abraham, and will be going back to work part time makes a big difference.
My love for Abraham has transformed me at the deepest level. I can tell in a way I never have before that I am worthy of love and belonging even if I never accomplish anything, because I can see that Abraham is worthy of love and belonging just by being born. So the same must be true of me – and of everyone. I feel the cuteness and the suffering of children in a whole new way now, though. That is the painful side of the new awareness.
He sits up like a pro now. Right now he’s just hanging out next to me, on a blanket mouthing on toys and throwing them down when he’s done with them, looking for what’s next, reaching for my computer. It’s clearly the best toy in the room.
Abraham slept eight hours at a stretch last night. It feels like we are out of some dark European woods of Grim Fairy Tales, and have found a cozy cabin with fire and soup. My heart practically breaks with love when I see him sleeping.